Sunday, September 26, 2010


You push me to go the extra mile
You push me when it's difficult to smile
You push me, a better version of myself
You push me, only you and no one else
You push me, see the other point of view
You push me when there's nothing else to do
You push me when I think I know it all
You push me when I stumble and I fall

Keep on pushin' like nobody

Every race I win, every mood I'm in
Everything I do, I owe it all to you
Every move I make, every step I take
Every thing I know, it's all because you push me

You push me when I don't appreciate
You push me not to lie and not to hate
You push me when I want it all to end
You push me when I really need a friend
You push me, all I wanna do is cry
You push me when it's time for me to try
You push me when I do it for myself
You push me, only you and no one else

Keep on pushin' like nobody

Every race I win, every mood I'm in
Everything I do, I owe it all to you
Every move I make, every step I take
Every thing I do, it's all because you push me

You push me

Keep on pushin' like nobody
Keep on, keep on

Every race I win (to go the extra mile)
Every mood I'm in (when it's difficult to smile)
Everything I do (a better version of myself)
Only you and only you and only you
Every move I make (see the other point of view)
Every step I take (when there's nothing else to do)
Every thing I do (when I think I know it all)
Only you and only you and only you

Every race I win (to go the extra mile)
Every mood I'm in (when it's difficult to smile)
Everything I do (a better version of myself)
I owe it all to you (only you and only you and only you)
Every move I make (see the other point of view)
Every step I take (when there's nothing else to do)
Every thing I know (when I think I know it all)
It's all because you push me

You push me
(Lyrics from Madonna's "Push")

Who's gonna push me?
Who's gonna inspire me?
Who's gonna make me happy?
Who's gonna join in my world and help make it whole?

I need a creative jump start
I've realized happiness is the key to my creativity
I want to fill up sketchbooks like I used to
I want to have this burning creative passion that I used to have

( 4789V) ~> ( 4846V)

Friday, September 24, 2010

Leeloo finally found her one?

I think I might of found Leeloo's boyfriend. There are more pictures of him here
I just hope he sticks around and works out. 
I wonder just how tan he is. I think he might actually end up with some facial hair (who woulda ever thought!?)

He hasn't been released yet... and I think he will be limited... so I may end up having to get him on the marketplace =( Which really sucks because Castle Anne dolls aren't very popular and seem to be on the expensive side (For their size category)

I do wonder how their size comparison would be.... I found pictures of a Junior Girl next to a Minifee girl and the Minifee was smaller. So I think it would work great considering the picture of the girl and boy Juniors below.

Its funny how life gives you little signs =)

( 4631V) ~> ( 4789V)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Insatiable Hope

Sometimes I wish I didn't have this endless - insatiable - unappeasable - never ending - inexhaustable - discontented - unfulfilled - voracious - immeasurable - continuous - boundless - unsatisfied hope that wavers between "I'll find him" and "I've found him"

It never seems the one I've "found" has the same feeling. It always seems like they've "settled" or are "forced" (like driver's ed class), or are just simply indifferent, but I'm never able to figure out what their mindset is. They never will open up and talk to me - even when I ask directly. I swear I'm more interesting, lovable, and amazing than that. I know I am a great catch (not perfect, but great)!

I'm glad I've never thought I've been the problem....I hope I never get to that point. Unless I somehow am the problem or part of it... but if that is the case I wish they'd tell me!

Or do I have an entertainment expiration date? My entertainment time length seems to shorten as I go through each new love interest. A tattoo'd bar code would be hilarious.
Won't I ever find someone that can't stop thinking about me? That tries so hard to make me smile? That can't wait for the next moment to be with me? That wants to know me, my passions, dreams, desires? Someone that it decisive on being with me. Someone that wants to share in each other's existence.

On the other side of this I am aware that I tend to be Queen Oblivious when it comes to flirting and such. I'm just a whole ball of confused, convoluted, confounded, bamboozled, perplexed, bewildered, shy, doubtful, and uncertain bafflement.
And I want to end by totally stealing from a dear friend's Tumblr page. 
"just afraid. I know I can love you."
"if this fails I am not going to lie, I will be completely crushed and though I know I will do one thing.  I will let it happen again until I am not crushed to oblivion."

( 4595V) ~> ( 4631V)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A photostory that hits close to home

So I figured why not post it here as well.....
Link to my Photostory blog if wanted:

Here is an amazingly well done Vampire Princess Miyu AMV that I think goes well with this photostory.

Always thinking about Love

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 01

Leeloo: "I've always loved to cosplay.... its nice to be someone else for a while, someone I admire or envy."

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 02

Leeloo: "Miyu had Larva, someone who is always there for her. Someone who knows all her joys and sadness.
A comfortable strong embrace she can curl into.
I know its not realistic, but it certainly sounds nice.
Its dreams that keeps us really alive instead of existing right?"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 03

"to long for each other"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 04

"to flirt with each other"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 05

"to love"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 06

"to comfort me when needed"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 07

"to cry with"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 08

Leeloo: "You can always tell what I am thinking by looking at my drawings"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 09

Leeloo: "Even if they are feelings I don't really feel comfortable conveying."

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 10

Leeloo: " I just can't help how I feel, and sometimes it comes out on paper."

 BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 11

Leeloo: "But I have hope that someone special will eventually fill my pages."

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 12

Leeloo: "I know the love I seek is out there..."

 BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 13

Leeloo: "that someone will understand, appreciate, and love my heart."

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 14

Leeloo: "that lingering hope is always there - it never dies for some reason. No matter what dissapointing, crushing blows my heart takes."

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 15

Leeloo: "I just draw whatever comes out"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 16

Leeloo: "And often I amaze myself and love the simple beautiful things I create"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 17

Leeloo: "I rarely find others that really appreciate the beauty in my works, but I love it when they do."

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 18

Leeloo: "They're like little messages sent out trying to reach 'you'.... wherever 'you' are"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 19

Leeloo: "Can't I see you soon?"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 20

Leeloo: "I miss you though I'm not sure I've found you"

BJD-Photostory-Leeloo-2010-09-14-Always thinking about Love - 21

Leeloo: <3

( 4434V) ~> ( 4595V)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Dream in the world

Painting under the Space Needle - 01
I had a startling epiphany today.

I think I may have met someone I dreamt of years ago.

Someone from a dream that I was able to wake from 
- and go back to -

I have never done that before, and have never since.
I went back to sleep and to that same dream because of sheer will.

I never really remember my dreams for more than 5 minutes or so....
but a lot of it is still vivid in my mind, especially this person and my emotions.

 This dream was left un-resolved. I don't know how it ended, whether it was a fairy-tale or a nightmare.


(Lyrics pulled from Sam Sparro's Black and Gold)

( 4434V) ~> ( 4543V)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Thought Provoking Questions

A good friend linked me to a post of illustrated "thought provoking questions"

I really admired a few of the questions and thought I'd answer some of them.

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"
-I would say I would be 19 most of the time - full of hopes and a few anxieties. Stars in my eyes most of the time.

"If you had an opportunity to get a message across a large group of people - what would that message be?"

"Is it possible to lie without saying a word"
-Absolutely. Its one of the worst - most painful - kind of lies

"If not now...... then when?"
-Never (would be my answer... but not what I would intend to do). Now is the best time. I'm trying to capture the moment, but it requires bravery. Some days I have more armor than others.

"What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?"
-I would dye my hair blue and eventually have silky braids, pierce my labre and septum(referring to judgment at work).

"Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?"
-I have a lot of love to give - I just gotta find the other half of me that feels the same way.

"Have you done anything lately worth remembering?"
-I had an amazing time with many of my closest friends. There were some amazing bonding moments (especially in the kitchen. lol)

"Who do you love? What are you doing about it?"
-There are many people I love - I try to remind them of this, and be there for them no matter what.

"Do you Celebrate the things you do have?"
-Absolutely! I often try to remind myself to be uber thankful for the wonderful life, friends, family, and things I have.

"Which activites make you loose track of time?"
-BJD Meets, Time with Friends, sleeping, painting, crafting, playing with my dollies, crying, cleaning, jamming, blogging, video editing....

"If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?"
-Hell no! My past has helped make me who I am. My pain has helped me appreciate my pleasure. What hasn't killed me has made me stronger. Even though its not perfect, I love my life the way it is - and have ambitions for the future.

So there you have it, my introspective thoughts for the day.
Thanks for the link Keekster.

( 4360V) ~> ( 4434V)

Friday, September 3, 2010

If I had you...

I have a good feeling for the future


Ashley-Random-Hearts - 35

And I've always believed that being positive brings positive results.

*side note*... I miss having the sides of my head shaved *see video above*

( 4358V) ~> ( 4360V)

Doll inventory (just heads/bodies)

So like.. Oh my goodness...

I was asked to do an inventory of the dolls I have and man... I didn't realize I had so much (here and on the way...) Sorry I don't have pictures for them all...

Currently Owned:
SOOM - Euclase
SOOM - Heliot (Unicorn)
BJD-Elipses - 07
SOOM - Heliot (Human - need body)
SOOM - Sphaler
SOOM - Beyla
BJD-Mod-Body Blushing-Beyla-1.0 - 14
Cereberus Project - Nanuri 07
BJD-Hang Out-2009-10-32-Halloween Weekend - 098
Cereberus Project - Shine
BJD-Hang Out-2009-10-32-Halloween Weekend - 092
Doll In Mind - Miyavi (Need Body)
BJD-DIM-Minime-MSD-Miyavi - 19
Iplehouse - Ryan (Being Sold to Keekster)
Cereberus Project - Kyle OE(Canceled by DDE)
Cereberus Project - Juri 08 OE (need body)
Cereberus Project - Karsh OE
Cereberus Project - Shushu OE
BJD Leeloo Faceup 4.0 - 2
Cereberus Project - El OE (Minifee)
Cereberus Project - Lishe OE (Minifee) (Lum and Caprica set)
Photostory-Lum and Gaius go to the 
Cereberus Project - Scar Shiwoo OE (need body)
Cereberus Project - Scar Breakaway OE (Body on the way)
Cereberus Project - Ante OE (Littlefee)
Cereberus Project - El OE (Littlefee) (Hopefully selling/trading)
BJD-Data - 2
Cereberus Project - Ruby OE
Cereberus Project - Ante OE (Puki)
Cereberus Project - PongPong OE

Heads I have outside of this list that are secondary heads for dolls listed above and aren't seen a lot of the time:
SOOM-Euclase sleeping head w/ crazy ears
SOOM-Beyla - Human head
Cereberus Project - Luwen vampire head (will be a secondary head for Nanuri 07 after modding)
Cereberus Project - 2 X Summer 2010 event M-HEADs (On the way)
Cereberus Project - Kyle was going to have his sleeping head...but canceled by DDE
Cereberus Project - Karsh Sleeping head
Cereberus Project - Shushu Sleeping head
Cereberus Project - El (Minifee) sleeping head
Cereberus Project - Lishe (Minifee) OE and sleeping head for Lum set
Cereberus Project - Lishe (Minifee) OE and sleeping head on the way (Lum's Caprica set)
Cereberus Project - Ante sleeping x 2 (Littlefee)
Cereberus Project - Ante winking (Littlefee)
Cereberus Project - El sleeping (Littlefee) (Hopefully selling/trading)
Cereberus Project - Ruby Sleeping
Cereberus Project - Ante sleeping (Puki)
Cereberus Project - PongPong sleeping
Cereberus Project - Pumpkin head

Want to get to complete what I already have:
Cereberus Project - Scar Breakaway Sleeping set (Body on the way)
Cereberus Project - Scar Shiwoo Sleeping set (need body)
Cereberus Project - Shushu OE and sleeping heads (+ body for Juri 09)
Cereberus Project - Shiwoo OE and sleeping heads (+ body for Scar Shiwoo)

And I may as well add in the dolls I want and will to get that I don't already have bits for

Souldoll Shiva (4-arm) (Grey skin)
Un-determined Minifee to dye black for Karma
Dollzone - Yuu (Tan)
Cereberus Project - Delf - El (Normal Skin)
Cereberus Project - Delf - El (Tan Skin)
Cereberus Project - Delf - El  (White Skin)
SOOM - MD - Chalco (Tan) - *maybe*
SOOM - MA - Saiph Boy (NS or WS)
Dollmore - Lusion - Black Dahlia
Un-determined Minifee mold for Mana
Un-determined mold for my all white "beauty" doll

( 4272V) ~> ( 4358V)