Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Monochrome World - Lost in a Rainbow

Phtalo Blue

 Sometimes I get so tired of being me. 

 I feel like I'm pthalo blue, who sometimes turns into a rainbow  living in a monochrome 
 black, white, and gray world.......

I used to be a rainbow all the time, but I don't have it in me much anymore. I've got to find a way back.

I don't know how....... I'm trying.......

When a rainbow 
  sometimes I'm too bright for some people's eyes 
 or they assume what I'm about or they want something from me 
 or they simply don't like me without looking 
 or they l<3ve me. 

When I'm phtalo blue, only in certain light do you see the gorgeous deep blue. Most just see me as black.

It's so hard to relate to the other colors. When a rainbow I can appreciate them, but they tend to not reciprocate. 

 There's no connection for most. 

 I often try to become something that suits them most. I've tried 
 living with and merging my life with yellow, and slowly I became  
 green and then gray. I became absorbed in yellow and lost my 
 pigment. Then a crane knocked down all of that. I miss it and yet I  
 never want it again. 

 I'm lost in a rainbow

( 5375V) ~> ( 5400V)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Stupidity, Impatience, and Ignorance makes your life harder - DON'T DO IT

"I go to open this thing and it only opens in reader - so I cant do anything"
/aggravated RAWR

T _ T ;

"You know you can change the default program that opens .pdf's.... or you can just start Acrobat and open it yourself right?"

A little patience, thinking, and perhaps googling goes a LONG way.
We all have a brain - please use it wisely

I cant fix the issue if you're the source of the problem.
Common sense = Good

( 5226V) ~> ( 5375V)

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup

Here's a link to the pictures I got ~ Some of my favorites are below.
=) It was so nice to have such a big group together in such a nice location.

Here is a BJD Cast compiled video for the weekend too! (Getting ready for the meet, setting up the meet, mingling, and contests!)

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 64
"We're OLD....."

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 68

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 75
*laser gun "BYEUW BYEUW" noises*

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 08
~Always I want to be with you.... and make believe with you~

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 05

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 61

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 60
It's Gao-Bear!

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 55

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 42

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 46

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 28

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 27

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 20

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 21

2010 BJD Halloween Meetup - 14

( 5226V) ~> ( 5352V)

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Ashley-Random-Hearts - 11
When I finally learn to be independent (forget) and be content
Loneliness will be replaced by peace (solipsism replacing instrumentality)
There are always two sides to a coin.
The side it lands on is up to chance.
Heads (sanguineness) or Tails (despondency)
You can always turn the coin over, its a matter of will power.

( 5110V) ~> ( 5226V)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Life Backwards

I am finally getting around to working on some paintings for an artbook I hope to be a part of.....

I'm painting Gaius =) Everyone loves Gaius... so hopefully everyone will love my painting.
In painting Gaius... I am now waiting on the friskit to dry....
When I paint I tend to get really intense.... as in... involved in what I'm painting, or in my current emotional state, or in thought.
Today I started getting into thinking mode and I had kind of an epiphany.

I think I've done life backwards from everyone(or the 'norm').... all my life.

I was very serious when I was a child and didn't have a ton of friends (not saying I had a bad childhood - I just enjoyed it different than others. At least from what I remember)

I was a very serious student all through my education, but especially in middle school, high school, and college. I never partied except for my Senior prom in high school. I thought I had found the man I was going to marry and have a happy long life with. In college I never went to a single party. I was in the top 10% of my class, got scholarships based on my portfolio, did things with watercolor and marker that "blew" my professors away (their words not mine). I wanted to be the 22 year old that had already "made it" in life and was set and 101% happy for life. House, studio, dog/cat, vacations.....

As I have moved on from college and learned that I haven't met my one....(In or after either high school or college. I am always wishing I would T T).... I now have a stable job and... somewhat of a career. I now find myself wanting to be less serious. I want to party, I want to be irresponsible, I want to have a zero stress job where it doesn't matter if I am a little late, where I can have crazy blue dreads and tons of piercings. I want to party with friends on the weekend and stay up all night doing movie drinking games. I want to have hope in the hopeless. I want to live and love.

It's one of those early mid-life crisis kind of realizations to start being open to dating someone whose age is close to 30 @_@ I had a vision of myself and where I would be when I was 25.... I am past 25 now and I am not there. I'm decently close.... but with parts of the puzzle missing... that I can't set in place.

I've started to feel a little like Benjamin Button; without a Daisy.

( 5071V) ~> ( 5110V)

Friday, October 8, 2010

Sometimes the stars just don't align.

Lying in the park on a beautiful day
Sunshine in the grass, and the children play
Siren's passing, fire engine red
Someone's house is burning down on a day like this 

Sometimes the stars just don't align.
We've got to keep circulating the Sun till our time comes.

One Day
That Day
My Day
The Day
Funny the way it is
some are good
some are bad
BJD-Hang Out-2009-10-32-Halloween Weekend - 077
( 4943V) ~> ( 5071V)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Pilin' up

My head feels like a balloon and I have a feeling its from the head congestion part of the cold I am currently experiencing, but there is another part of me that has wanted to blog for days.

I've wanted to blog for days but then I realize its the same thing over and over. A post longing for the things I want. I feel like I'm the opposite of Buddha. I keep piling up the desires instead of trying to make them go away. Its a never ending cycle.

I was able to eliminate one desire though... I had wanted a new doll from Castle Anne, but realized I just simply wasn't willing to pay the money they wanted. A ridiculous price considering he isn't even fullset...(not that I like all that he is pictured with) I still think he's darned cute...

I still want a DSLR like no-body's business... but haven't had the energy as of late to use it even if I had one. I also need to be sure to focus on the Artbook that I am going to be a part of. My plan this week was to come home each day and focus on it... but with this cold... I went home and passed out. I have a feeling it will be the same tonight.

After this Doll Show I really have to refocus and not spend so much on my dolls (for now). I've got to set my priorities elsewhere - mainly my Japan trip. I want to have a lot of spending money. I can smell the Ramen now....(even though I have a head cold...lol) I also need to get my ass in gear to be in shape for the trip too. I want to be able to buy some clothes while there.... a Moi outfit that Mana wears.... /drool.

I also want to get moved to the hill (Capitol Hill). It would be so great if I could do so with a room mate or significant other (Preferable). I so miss splitting bills and having the company around. Sometimes I feel so dis-enchanted about love.

I'm talking delirous now. I think its time to leave it at that.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Beautiful Freedom

Ashley-Cosplay-Vampire Princess Miyu-Mask - 1
Its an amazing thing to be your own

Ashley-Cosplay-Vampire Princess Miyu-Mask - 3
You have to work hard for it

Ashley-Cosplay-Vampire Princess Miyu-Other-Miyu - 3
You have to decide if you want it

Ashley-Cosplay-Vampire Princess Miyu-OAV-Miyu - 06
Let your passions take you over

Sleepy Mana
Know yourself, be yourself, love yourself

Ashley-Cosplay-Moi Dix Mois-Mana-Black 
Half Skirt-Stage 03 - 171
Don't just exist.

( 4847V) ~> ( 4943V)