Life Backwards

I am finally getting around to working on some paintings for an artbook I hope to be a part of.....

I'm painting Gaius =) Everyone loves Gaius... so hopefully everyone will love my painting.

In painting Gaius... I am now waiting on the friskit to dry....

When I paint I tend to get really intense.... as in... involved in what I'm painting, or in my current emotional state, or in thought.

Today I started getting into thinking mode and I had kind of an epiphany.

I think I've done life backwards from everyone(or the 'norm').... all my life.

I was very serious when I was a child and didn't have a ton of friends (not saying I had a bad childhood - I just enjoyed it different than others. At least from what I remember)

I was a very serious student all through my education, but especially in middle school, high school, and college. I never partied except for my Senior prom in high school. I thought I had found the man I was going to marry and have a happy long life with. In college I never went to a single party. I was in the top 10% of my class, got scholarships based on my portfolio, did things with watercolor and marker that "blew" my professors away (their words not mine). I wanted to be the 22 year old that had already "made it" in life and was set and 101% happy for life. House, studio, dog/cat, vacations.....

As I have moved on from college and learned that I haven't met my one....(In or after either high school or college. I am always wishing I would T T).... I now have a stable job and... somewhat of a career. I now find myself wanting to be less serious. I want to party, I want to be irresponsible, I want to have a zero stress job where it doesn't matter if I am a little late, where I can have crazy blue dreads and tons of piercings. I want to party with friends on the weekend and stay up all night doing movie drinking games. I want to have hope in the hopeless. I want to live and love.

It's one of those early mid-life crisis kind of realizations to start being open to dating someone whose age is close to 30 @_@ I had a vision of myself and where I would be when I was 25.... I am past 25 now and I am not there. I'm decently close.... but with parts of the puzzle missing... that I can't set in place.

I've started to feel a little like Benjamin Button; without a Daisy.

( 5071V) ~> ( 5110V)