Wednesday, September 30, 2009

It will be a long October

October is going to be a long month I think.

I have to make a decision on whether or not to get Sphaler. SOOM's new Monthly Doll. He's a pretty dragon boy ^^

I am missing a new friend I made, who will be gone for like a month or so T_T

I have to see about getting Heliot paid off so I have him for the Halloween Party!

I have to see about which darlings I am bringing, what they will wear and what I am going to wear to the Halloween Party.

I have to see about what I am going to bring to the Halloween party for eats.

I have a doll show to go to ^^ Yay!

I have no clue if my Mom is coming into town or not.

I have to decide if I want to be the only person who helps at work T_T. Why am I always the nice one? I don't want to work 9-6.

I have laundry to do (but who never has that?)

So much to do, so little time when I feel like doing it all.

All I want to do lately is come home and sleep. Work tires me out.

( 427V) ~~> ( 500V)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wow, I'm in such a good mood!

In such a good mood! I love it ^_^

Its funny, just as I was starting to type this I instinctually started typing out a T_T face instead of a ^_^ face because I have used T_T so much lately.

There are a few things I have up in the air right now.... which I am really hoping works out. The first one being for my Iplehouse Ryan to be delivered to me safe and sound tomorrow at work.

I'm gonna try to be productive tonight.... I already started on it!

I got quarters from the bank so I can do laundry.

I'm gonna go home, put on a movie (maybe The Fountain or.... Slayers or.... Boondock Saints) do the dishes, sweep the floor, do laundry, organize my stuff, decide on a name for Ryan, hopefully get to see my paycheck so I can figure whether or not I can get Heliot now or October 16th.

If I stay in this good of a mood, I might even paint/draw some! Maybe make a new Dollie photostory (Or catch up on ones that are done... just need to be uploaded and blogged)


( 416V) ~~> ( 427V)

Yay for shipping dolls! (Iplehouse Ryan)

Ashley & Dolls-Gaius & Leeloo & Linnear & Trybbl - 3

Yay! More Darlings!

So, my Iplehouse Ryan is on the way! Hopefully I should get him Friday or Monday.

(Ordered) Iplehouse JID Ryan-Normal Skin B-Type Makeup + Mobility Joint

I was hoping to get my Heliot this month... but me thinks it will have to be mid next month. Maybe if I sold another painting or two....Anyone interested?

(Ordered) SOOM Heliot - God Master Full Set (Heads+Faceups, Outift, Wig, Bow, Wings, Wig, Eyes) (OUT OF PRINT since December 2008)

Man.... sometimes I feel like I am living someone else's life. I don't know quite how to explain it.
I see myself as this constant creative force, always into painting, daydreaming, customizing dolls, making photostories, organized, etc..... but I just haven't been doing that. (Well I did doodle some the other night)

I kinda feel like the real me is floating around me throwing etherial objects at me to try to get me back into the "groove" of things, but its just not working.

Maybe I shouldn't be quite so hard on myself. I was sick for about a week after I got back from Japan and my apartment became and un-organized whirlwind of my stuff from lack of having the energy to put stuff in the right place, find the "right" place for the things I brought back from Japan, and to just really do more than sleep a lot. lol

Anyway... onto a weekend of awesome. Meeting with old friends, doll friends, and relaxation.

Oh yea... and if any dolly people are reading this and have a Fullset Soom Euclase they want to sell... let me know ^_~


( 384V) ~~> ( 416V)

Monday, September 7, 2009

I've always hated band-aids. Even if they come in bright colors

I wish I didn't have this band-aid over my heart.

It hurts to take it off, it hurts to heal, it looks ugly, it feels bad.

I wish I hadn't gotten hurt to begin with.

It shouldn't have affected me so much, but it's just not the same.

( 384V) ~~> ( 387V)

The happiest a girl can make herself

So, this week (well last week as it is now 3:18 am on Monday) has been absolutely fabulous!!!

Even though I had some not so good stuff happen this week, the good has definitely outweighed the bad..... (Typhoon, Layover, got sick from someone on plane, Jet lag....)

Made it home safe from Japan, paid off a lot of debt, got a lot of doll time in, and got to order pretty much all of the dolls on my "realistic" wants list and also some that I thought I would never have the chance of owning.

I'm gonna list them out and I know those of you who will probably turn your nose up or kinda say "wtf" to this long list, but quite honestly I don't care. I also think some of you will think me very "materialistic" but I don't care. My BJD hobby brings me a lot of joy. Besides....They are mine, I am paying for them with my money, and I will luv it soooo much ^_^ *clap*

So....Onto the lists.... (Don't get me started on the clothes/wigs.... lol)

Realistic SD Size (55cm - 90cm) wants:
(Ordered) LUTS CP Shine-Natural Skin

LUTS CP SS El-Beauty White

Dollzone Tan Yuu
Realistic MSD Size (30cm - 45cm) wants:
(Ordered) Fairyland MNF Karsh-Boy A-Line Normal body Normal Skin

(Ordered) Fairyland MNF-Lishe-Boy A-Line Normal Body Beauty White

(Ordered) Iplehouse JID Ryan-Normal Skin B-Type Makeup + Mobility Joint
Realistic Tiny Size (0cm - 25cm) wants:
(Ordered) Fairyland LTF- El Full Package - NS

Unrealistic SD Size (55cm - 90cm) wants:
(Ordered) Top Secret..... till maybe October or November....

Unrealistic MSD (35cm - 45cm) wants:
tan el
Unrealistic Tiny Size (0cm - 25cm) wants:
(Ordered) Fairyland LTF Ante Macaron Full Set (OUT OF PRINT since October 2008)

"Free" Bonus items (Limited edition items not to be offered any other time):
(Ordered) Fairyland Pukipuki Pumpkin head

(Ordered) Fairyland LTF Ante Winking Faceplate

(Ordered) Fairyland MNF Breakaway Scar Head + Scar Arm

(Ordered) Fairyland MNF Shiwoo Scar Head + Scar Arm

This is going to be the longest two or three months EVER!


( 341V) ~~> ( 384V)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Longest random blog ever. ほかの道と思った、ね

I think I am starting on a different path.

I feel my direction changing, like I am in a sailboat without a rutter (steering mechanism). The wind is my driving and directional force.

I went through a stage where I felt so utterly alone, and I clung to what in my mind was a rose at the time. The harder I clung to and cared for this rose, the more I kept running into its thorns. No matter how pretty, soft, or sweet smelling I thought this rose was I just couldn't and shouldn't have had to take the thorns any longer. But I think this is a bad analogy..... the things that hurt me, the thorns.... were things that were not innate or naturally occuring, not a simple fact of life. They were actions which were chosen.

I need to be happy with where the wind blows. It just hurts to wish for, long for what seems to be impossible. Be happy with how things are, and if they change or that wish happens to come true then be oh so thankful. One shouldn't regret or not be satisfied with what they have (especially if they truly have nothing to be sad about). Then again, you can't know happiness without knowing sadness. Each makes you appreciate/understand the other. One would think that by the law of averages.... I have had my share of sadness.

I have a good life, and should be/am very grateful/thankful but I am so restless. Why can I not be satisfied with what I have?

I want the fairy-tale. I want the protective samurai. I want them to be able to finish my sentence. I want someone I am comfortable enough to tell my sorrows and cry with. I want someone who shares my passions. I want to have the unwavering knowledge that they care no matter what. I want to know that they are thinking about me too. I want to have my heart flutter when they look at me. I want to be wanted for the right reasons. I want to be inspired to paint/create/draw/cosplay. I want someone who will think my quirky actions to be cute and not criticize them. I want to love and be loved. (The sad part is.... that I think it is easier for me to be loved, than it is for me to love. I have tried in the past to make my heart feel love and it did not end well. My heart has a mind of its own and I cannot persuade it to think one way or another)

I don't want to settle for what I need. Why must I always aim for the stars?

I just have to find that one shooting star to break past the armor now placed around my heart but I don't have a telescope nor a net to catch the star. I have to find it before I can catch it, but the universe is so vast. I don't know where to start.

I am watching one of my favorite movies, The Fountain.

I love this movie for so many reasons: The Music, The Characters.

The Music:
The music for this movie moves me to tears. It is just so simply beautiful. I listen to it a lot when I try to sleep at night, hoping its sound will help me to have dreams as beautiful as the music. For the past..... maybe 6 years or so I have not been able to dream on a regular basis. My dreams seem to be connected to my happiness. When I am happy (not fleeting happiness, but when my whole universe is complete, at peace, whole, as it should be, blissful) I am able to dream on a regular basis and feel inspired to be creative.

*~*~*~/Dream Rant~*~*~*
I dreamt of what true, real, throughout time, undying love was like once. It was so blissful I that when I woke up, I was actually able to go back to sleep and start my dream back where it left off. For a person who has trouble sleeping, having dreams at all, much less remembering their dreams, this was an amazing thing. It is quite silly, but this dream, my trouble with dreams, and the fact I was able to return to it really helps give me hope for love and happiness. The strangest part about this dream was that this manifestation of love which I was so happy with in the dream.... did not have a face. It had a soft, warm body and the most beautiful voice. In my dream, there were always these creatures after us that wanted to separate me and this manifestation of love. Somehow we always were able to escape. We survived as long as we were hand in hand.
*~*~*~/end Dream Rant~*~*~*

The Characters:
Conquistador/Tommy/The Last Man/Hugh Jackman: I feel so very much for this man. He gets so caught up in trying to keep his love from dying he forgets to appreciate the time he has. A blinded love such as his can be so blissful, and yet so painful. "Death is a disease, just like any other and there is a cure...... and I will find it"

Queen of Spain/Izzi/Tree of Life/Rachel Weisz: I admire her for her strength to not dwell on unfortunate facts outside of her control (her own sickness). I admire her persistent love of her life and Tommy. She always appreciates the time she has, and Tommy. "I'm not afraid anymore Tommy.......I AM with you, look. I'll always be with you. I promise."

Normally I feel better after writing, but I don't this time.

I feel restless. I feel like a lost traveler in a land where no one speaks my language. I feel like I am unable to relate to those around me. I feel like an alien in a strange land where up is left and right is down. I'm not angry about my mis-placement. I am quite simply baffled, confused.

( 295V) ~~> ( 341V)