Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Not buying from SOOM anytime soon.... WTF SOOM...... /sad panda

So.... this happens........ (See video)

The I get this response from SOOM:
Dear Ashley,

Good day to you.

Firstly, I sincerely apologzie to you for any inconvenience.

For the sticked out S-hook, would you kindly try to hook it in the other way? (Putting rounder side in the hole)
After reference to our produce manager, I regret to say that the slight difference of hole's depth can't be seen as flawed.
I just hope for your kind understanding.

As for shipping fee refund, we will return the money in a week to your paypal account.

I just want to say sorry again for bothering you.

Happy New Year,

And I respond with:
I do not want to start this letter as an angry "I hate you guys" kind of letter. I would like to say that I really admire your company's creativity, and your creations thus far. I have 4 SOOM MD and had planned to probably get the next SOOM MD as well as a Mecha Angel Saiph boy. Given my purchasing experience with Sphaler this will more than likely change.

In regards to your comment:
"After reference to our produce manager, I regret to say that the slight difference of hole's depth can't be seen as flawed."

It actually isn't a slight difference at all. There is quite a bit of difference. When one pays a premium for a product, one expects premium quality and service.

I have not received a premium in service.

That aside, the part of your response which is the biggest disappointment to me is your choice to wait a week to re-pay me for shipping.

I do not see why I should have to wait a week to get my refund back, when I was originally promised (without asking for such) that I would be notified when my product was received (this was not done) and would be sent a pair of 16mm D-CL19 Lilac eyes which were requested back with my corrected foot(as a refund for my shipping) or would be refunded my money immediately via Paypal. The details of this were to be worked out when I was notified that you had received my miss-drilled foot. Neither of these happened. In fact, I was informed that my foot was never received, after it had been received and a new foot was sent to me and received at my address.

In case there were any questions, I had even provided a copy of my shipping receipt, my email address, mobile phone number, and my paypal account information in the box with my foot so that there would be no room for any errors.

As things currently stand I will be waiting for my refund to my Paypal account which is and unless the situation or reviews on your company gets better, I will not be purchasing from you again, nor would I be recommending your company at all (The Gem, Mecha Angel, Neo Angel Region, Rosette, or Idealian) to any of my many other friends in the BJD hobby.

I hope you are more reliable for other customers and if the reviews on your service service improves in the future, maybe we can do business again.

Thank you for the wonderful dolls I have so far, but for now I will not be purchasing anymore products from you.

Then an update on the issue

So the lesson learned here......
Don't buy pretties from SOOM, all those rumors we hear about them on the forums are true.

Buy SOOM second hand so your money goes to good people.

( 11933V) ~> ( 1193V)

Monday, December 28, 2009

Decisions, Decisions, and more Decisions (Dante, DSLR, Dollmore, Fairyland)

Well its really only one decision with a lot of options.

I have a chance to get a Crobidoll Dante.... there are only 30 of him in the world and Crobidoll is not selling him anymore.  He's absolutely gorgeous.... BUT I think I only like him because he is tan skin......I think I will not get him (Especially since the Fairyland Event is gonna be happening)
******Decided against Dante for a few reasons....******
1. I had seen him when he was available, and had decided not to get him
2. He was a spur of the moment kind of find/purchase
3. I wouldn't like him if he were not Tan skin 
4. Fairyland event was comming up

I've been wanting to get a Canon DSLR, and Canon has come out with an 'affordable' one that has HD video ^^. My big fear in this purchase is the learning curve. I took a class that had some photography involved in it.... but its been years and the teacher was not very good (not patient at all). I want to get some better pictures of my dolls and maybe upgrade the recording for BJD Cast.
******Just decided to wait on this.... as there are no current deals on the camera I want******

Quite simply, I love Fairyland. I have 3 minifee heads that need bodies. They are having an event starting December 31st. Three very good reasons to wait on the other choices and choose this as my first choice. I would probably be getting 2 muscle boy bodies (with extra blank Lishe and Shiwoo heads) as well as a Small bust girl (with extra Shushu heads). I would *like* to get a Feeple Riff Fullset, but I do not see that happening. Then again, Fairyland could totally throw my planning out the door and release a 60cm version of the Minifee body T_T (I would love and hate them at the same time for this. lol) I might would get some pukis too. Having given Trybbl away for X-mas.... It would be nice to have a puki or two. I would probably get a Ruby(my gothic lolita) and a Pong(my Anime Dork)
******Have decided not to go for getting all the event items ******
I may do a combined order with a friend.... so I can get the breakaway set... Might get a Puki Pongpong

And then Dollmore. Oh how I love your cheap clothes and shoes. I would need to order from here so that I would not have some naked dollies.
****** I placed an order with Dollmore, but think I missed the deadline for the event, so my orders will be canceled******

( 1083V) ~> ( 1193V)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009



So I am sitting at a one of my favorite restaurants waiting for some nummy Udon.... and a family is sat in front of me. They have a small child with them, who has inspired this blog.

Typically in all honesty I do not like children. I normally do not even get the "aaw thats cute" factor when it comes to seeing other people's children. Or I have the reaction when a child is handed to me "is it gonna poop on me?" I tend to only be able to stand certain ages....

Now I do not want to sound like a total scrooge. I do enjoy them sometimes... but it tends to be only if my friends or family have children... and then... its good to play with them temporarily.... very temporarily.

Anyway.... onto this kid.... there are a couple of thoughts he inspired

1. I wish I could as easily bend others to my will like this child did.... the parents spent like a good 5 minutes deciding on where the chair would go (evidently they visit this restaurant often) because they argued about where the chair should go (it ended up being sort of in the way of others who may need to get to the restroom or the one lady being the waitress for the restaurant. Anyway.... they then let him play with a chopstick.... oh god... the banging..... T_T he managed to poke himself in the eye..... and they STILL let him continue to play with it... the he learned that if he dropped it.... the parents would pick it up for him. This kept them entertained for like at least 15 minutes.

2. PLEASE never let me get into such a routine..... The parents seem to be totally tied together by only the child. They couldn't have any common conversation other than something that was revolving around the kid (you shouldn't feed him that... look he ate the carrot...) or maybe a statement regarding work (which then warranted no further conversation other than the occasional recognition fro the other party that they had heard the statement) It seemed as though if the child did not exist, the two would hate each other. The wife constantly made negative, almost hateful remarks towards most things the husband said or did. That poor man.

Now.... it is time to go home and clean up and put up my cute little X-Mas tree.

( 1057V) ~> ( 1083V)

Monday, December 14, 2009



a BJD forum just for us Pacific Northwesterners!

Go sign up now

( 994V) ~> ( 1057V)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

AH, things are getting better!

*sigh of relief*

Euclase, I have found you, and you will hopefully be mine in January.


Listening to Kris Orlowski
Its been too long since I saw them live

I really have to get my butt in gear to get my Mana costume started.

This is gonna be a DAMN hard outfit.... T_T

( 986V) ~> ( 994V)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Fuck, I'm pissed!

I had the opportunity to purchase literally.... a doll I NEVER EVER thought I would be able to find in the condition I wanted (as I tend to be OCD)

I don't want to go into details as they wouldn't be very nice. I just really hate the fact that the issues that caused the problem didn't bother me.... it was the simple fact that my opinion on it wasn't valued and the opportunity was taken away.

I tend to be a very understanding person.... and I was understanding and lenient with the multiple issues that came up..... and in the end it was all for nothing. This super pisses me off and unfortunately will make me even more determined to find this doll again.

Euclase, I will find you, and you will be mine.

( 938V) ~~> ( 986V)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Frak, I'm tired!

Im so tired from yesterday: getting up at 4am, working from 5:30am till 7:00pm with an hour lunch and a 15 minute nap. Got a ride home from a co-worker (Thanks!), got to talk with a good friend (It was nice to of gotten a phone call! lol), ate, played with dollies and made some videos for my YouTube subscribers for like 2.5 hours, and finally went to bed before 11pm. It will be worth it. I have so many goals to meet! (And am determined)

Today I was awoke by my 4:00am alarm..... but went back to sleep until 6:00am


The videos I made were:
Comparing Sphaler and Heliot

Introducing un-named Beyla

I think I have been over-scheduling myself, which has its good and bad sides.
Good = spending time with loved ones, getting to do fun things, playin with dollies
Bad = Sooo tired, not getting around to things that simply need to be done (because the good things are much more enjoyable XD).

I've also recently canceled plans I've had for OT opportunities at work, which I feel bad about, but it is logical to get the OT at work while I can.

Wow, even my boss came by and was like... go home tonight. You need some rest. T_T lol

There wont be OT available tonight anyway.

( 932V) ~> ( 938V)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Frak! It's Early!

So, I am on the bus at 5:00 am trying to get to work ASAP so I can get as much OT as possible. Today will be a LONG day, but good. I need the extra dinero in order to get Euclase, pay off my CC's, Work on my new Mana costume, save for Japan, and save for UK/France. I hope I can do it all T_T within this year. I don't see me having my Japan savings done, but thats ok. I wont be going there till 2011. Everything else will be this year. (That right JP?)

I found out this morning that it seems to be exponentially colder at 4:30 am than it is at 6:30 am.

So, some good news.
I received my SOOM MD Beyla and Sphaler last night and I am simply in love. They are AWESOME. Thank you Awtan for coming to the opening and helping me restring Sphaler like 4 times. Stubborn jerk.... lol Pictures so far are here:

Beyla poses better than I thought she would, and is too darn cute in Tru's Macarone outfit XD She even crouches with some co-ersing. I just need to get used to her jointing system. The wig I got from SOOM for her is sooooooo darn cute (though I wish it were as vibrantly colored as it shows on the SOOM site. Oh well. I still <3 the cut. It may be her default.

Sphaler is quite simply amazing... ALL except for SOOM over-drilling one of his foot pieces. This means his foot could fall off and break if the S-Hook in his foot(holding the elastic through his leg pieces) shifts. It did during one of the re-stringing sessions last night and it scared the crap out of my friend. His claws are HUGE. They are as big as my hand. He stands AWESOME. His feet aren't as clumsy as I was expecting. I was thinking it would be hard to stand and pose him (like his feet would want to clack together and sit on top of one another.

( 857V) ~> ( 932V)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wish typing worked this time

I'm not sure why I brought my laptop with me to work today. I will probably sleep at lunch at normal because I certainly do not need to do any online shopping.

Typing out my feelings for the day normally makes me feel better, but I really don't feel I should write them out as most none of them are not any good. I'm full of doubts.

Hmm... something good to focus on...... I have a friend coming over Friday and we have a doll meet the next day, where more friends will be. It will be good to see them again. I could use some smiles. Now if only a certain attendee will behave, be polite, and be a sane person.

Other news..... I started to sand the seams off of Lum(Fairyland Minifee Lishe Boy). So far I think I have his torso and left arm to do still. Next will be Elipses(SOOM MD Heliot) I think. He has some CRAZY seams. They bother me and have actually cut me before!

Hmm well nothing else left good to write.... off to a day of work and sleep.

( 800V) ~~> ( 857V)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I've chased, and it led me knowhere

 BJD-Arrival-FL Autumn Event 09 - 12

I've chased and it led me knowhere.

Yes, I spelled it that way intentionally.

Yes, it hurt.

Yes, it was rough.

Yes, it helped me to gain knowledge, insight.

Can I keep it from happening again?

With heart shaped hands, I hope.

I am riding the bus home, my head full of thoughts. I was thinking of a painting I wish to do and thoughts of that painting's imagery in addition to thoughts of my own human experience have brought me to these words. I will have to get these images out of my head and onto paper/canvas.

( 800V) ~~> ( 805V)

Self realization and re-evaluation might not be so great


I feel as though I am kind of watching myself go through the day today. I see that when I wake in the morning I want to hit snooze, but don't and am very disappointed I do not get to sleep anymore until lunch. I also realize that I do not dream when sleeping, so why would I enjoy it so?

I have been to a point, but have uber realized that I need to work even harder on crossing my t's and dotting my i's. I have friends ordering from two of my favorite doll companies and I had wanted to order at least $200 in stuff.... but I think I will limit myself to only 3 pairs of shoes (2 for Yasui and 1 for Lucien) from one store (because they do not have any shoes of their own to wear) and some silicon headcaps from the other (so my white resin dolls heads do not get stained from wigs).

I am really determined to get rid of all my debt and save up some money. There is no telling what may blind-side me in this life. In typing this statement, I hope I have not jinxed myself. I currently do not, and don't ever want to have to depend on anyone else because they in general are not dependable. Also because we all work in our own way to preserve ourselves and our lives as we see fit, why put that burden on anyone else?

The sleepiness just really hit. I wish I had gotten to the transit center sooner so I could have gotten an iced grande double vanilla latte and lemon poppyseed muffin. Oh well..... thats $5.35 saved. I will at least get to work early enough to take myself a little nap.

I can't wait till today's work day is over. I hope I don't feel like a zombie after it.

( 712V) ~~> ( 800V)

Monday, November 9, 2009

Maybe.... If...... What......

Ashley-Travel-Japan - 476

Maybe there's a lot to take care of

Maybe they just don't feel well

Maybe I care too much

Maybe I need to refocus

Maybe they don't care enough

Maybe turns into if.

What if





and it all ends up in us saying "What?!" with a confused look.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Finally getting around to it!

So, I finally have gotten the gumption to write for my blog.

I've had so many fun things and worries happening, I've just been too worn out. A couple of updates I suppose.....

Received SOOM MD Heliot fullset on Wednesday October 21st (You can see his Opening Video here) and named him Elipses.
This was great, I had two friends who happen to also have Heliots come over and we played with them for hours. It was awesome. We also came up with this funny idea that we have to flesh out sometime.... We have 3 unicorns... and one of their demeanor is kinda grumpy so we thought we should do a video/photostory of them doing the Charlie the Unicorn goes to Candy Mountain bit. it will be epic if we ever do it.
Here is his opening video.

I also received my Delf Nanuri 07 on a Breakaway body the next day Thursday October 22nd. I named him Yasui (because I got him at such a good deal). His opening Video can be found here. He was a great deal, though some of the details of the sale got mixed up (The seller promptly sent the correct item and let me keep the one that was sent by mistake! Yay!) He is so pretty.
Here is his opening video.

Then I received my Delf Shine from Luts on Monday October 26th. I was quite blown away with this guy. I was already drooling over him on the Luts site, but in person... Wow! I still don't have a name for him. Its something that will just hit me. Yasui and him have gotten along quite well! They pose very good together.
Here is his opening video.

And finally I hope to get my Fairyland order today.... though I am doubtful. I am so very excited to get Lum/Caprica (Beauty White Minifee Lishe normal boy). He's going to be soo pretty! I worked really hard on making him a really cute "simple" red dress this weekend and at the very end when I was cutting excess fabric I cut a hole right in it after like 3 hours of work T_T. At least it is in a spot where I can put some cute hearts or something over it.... and turn it into something more cutesy than sexy (/sigh) Oh well. It wasn't all that great anyway. Nice practice.

My Dad comes in this Friday! Im so excited! I gotta finish cleaning my place, its about 1/2 done. I got all the doll play stuff organized (Though I couldn't find Leeloo's camera T_T) now I need to organize my art desk/doll mod stuff, my room, and organize/clean the bathroom.

I also did not get to see Miyavi play..... the concert was canceled because he injured himself... Get better Miyavi and come back Miyavi!

( 604V) ~~> ( 712V)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Ante(received) and Heliot(paid off, receive next week) this week

So, I got my Ante!

I picked her up from the post office and dashed over to Darby's to open her! I really wanted to get pictures of her Natural Skin Ante and my Beauty White Ante together. Especially since they were both Macarone fullsets. Not to mention she's tons of fun anyway. We played for like 6 hours!

Here is her opening video:

We got some really awesome shots! Here is the whole gallery:

And a few of my favorites




I've gotten yet more OT at work this week, especially yesterday. I worked an 11 hour day T_T (I am glad for the extra money) I will get my first check with a stint of OT on it this week. I am curious to see how much it is, and how much the government raped my check. lol /sigh. I'll get some back at tax season, right?

This extra money will really help with my goal of getting erry'thing paid off! The earlier they are paid for, the sooner they are made, the sooner I get them, and my wallet will be much happier.

I feel like a total Zombie today.... Eeeeerg BRAINS... @_@ Not in the mood for ignorance. Sleepy....

( 586V) ~~> ( 604V)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Good girl this week

First and foremost I just wanna say how much I friggin' looooooove my new Domo hat....

I want to be a productive person this week, well I guess I should say extra productive.

I have had so much going on during the weekend I end up feeling lazy during the week because I am so tired. Then again, I also forget how sick I have been recently and/or how much OT I have been getting.

Some of the things I want to get done before this weekend....
1. organize, label, and upload all non sorted pictures
2. Clean/Organize my apartment
3. Finish Leeloo's Faceup
4. MSC Ante when she comes in *squee!!!*
5. Decide what I will be getting from CoolCat (or if I will just try to get a DIM Ace so I have a body for Miyavi..... or if I will just get the bag and face guards and save the rest for another time)

I am also worried about my Beauty White Fullset Ante..... She shipped on Friday(waiting to be picked up by USPS)... and early Saturday AM the USPS Tracking site went down... So I have no idea where she is...

I really hope she shows up tomorrow. I brought Gaius with me because he is super excited about her. He always poses well wtih Lavinia (Fenris's Ante).

*crosses all fingers and toes*

( 566V) ~~> ( 586V)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Lots going on!!

*Trybbl can't wait to have a Heliot of her own*
(Fenris's Heliot, Fierahn pictured here...)

Wow! I am pretty blown away!

*stuck listening to Miyavi's "SungeeMeimukinaUta2" and wonders if its labeled right.../shrugs and rocks on*

I was able to get Sphaler ordered! YAY!!! ^^

I will be getting Heliot in sometime the week before the Halloween party (before October 24th) hopefully like Monday or Tuesday..... (Still gonna be my videographer Rien? ^_~ You know you wanna be here with this awesome David Bowie Unicorn guy gets here)

If Luts and Fairyland ship my orders on time... I just might be getting Dollie stuffs in while my Dad is in town! Hehe. I may have to recruit him to be my videographer. It sounded like some dollie friends wanted to be around for the opening of my MASSIVE Fairyland box... it would be so cool if I could coordinate that!! XD Then Dad could meet some of my good friends.

*Music changes to Miyavi's "HOWTOLOVE"*

I am SUPER excited to be getting a Delf Shine..... My first doll love was a Delf El (Which I think I have decided to get twins of) and this probably would have given that first love a run for its money had it been out at the time. He came out after (I think). I love the look of the Delf bodies, but wish they had a chest joint.... sort of like the Normal boy Minifee body. *crosses fingers that Fairyland/CP will come out with a 60cm version of the Minifee body with the thigh joints of a Littlefee and the one hand balancing magic of a Pukipuki*

I also might begin work on a very nice Artwork commission, which I am super excited about. I am exited about doing the work itself as well as the rewards from the work.



( 500V) ~~> ( 566V)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

It will be a long October

October is going to be a long month I think.

I have to make a decision on whether or not to get Sphaler. SOOM's new Monthly Doll. He's a pretty dragon boy ^^

I am missing a new friend I made, who will be gone for like a month or so T_T

I have to see about getting Heliot paid off so I have him for the Halloween Party!

I have to see about which darlings I am bringing, what they will wear and what I am going to wear to the Halloween Party.

I have to see about what I am going to bring to the Halloween party for eats.

I have a doll show to go to ^^ Yay!

I have no clue if my Mom is coming into town or not.

I have to decide if I want to be the only person who helps at work T_T. Why am I always the nice one? I don't want to work 9-6.

I have laundry to do (but who never has that?)

So much to do, so little time when I feel like doing it all.

All I want to do lately is come home and sleep. Work tires me out.

( 427V) ~~> ( 500V)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wow, I'm in such a good mood!

In such a good mood! I love it ^_^

Its funny, just as I was starting to type this I instinctually started typing out a T_T face instead of a ^_^ face because I have used T_T so much lately.

There are a few things I have up in the air right now.... which I am really hoping works out. The first one being for my Iplehouse Ryan to be delivered to me safe and sound tomorrow at work.

I'm gonna try to be productive tonight.... I already started on it!

I got quarters from the bank so I can do laundry.

I'm gonna go home, put on a movie (maybe The Fountain or.... Slayers or.... Boondock Saints) do the dishes, sweep the floor, do laundry, organize my stuff, decide on a name for Ryan, hopefully get to see my paycheck so I can figure whether or not I can get Heliot now or October 16th.

If I stay in this good of a mood, I might even paint/draw some! Maybe make a new Dollie photostory (Or catch up on ones that are done... just need to be uploaded and blogged)


( 416V) ~~> ( 427V)

Yay for shipping dolls! (Iplehouse Ryan)

Ashley & Dolls-Gaius & Leeloo & Linnear & Trybbl - 3

Yay! More Darlings!

So, my Iplehouse Ryan is on the way! Hopefully I should get him Friday or Monday.

(Ordered) Iplehouse JID Ryan-Normal Skin B-Type Makeup + Mobility Joint

I was hoping to get my Heliot this month... but me thinks it will have to be mid next month. Maybe if I sold another painting or two....Anyone interested?

(Ordered) SOOM Heliot - God Master Full Set (Heads+Faceups, Outift, Wig, Bow, Wings, Wig, Eyes) (OUT OF PRINT since December 2008)

Man.... sometimes I feel like I am living someone else's life. I don't know quite how to explain it.
I see myself as this constant creative force, always into painting, daydreaming, customizing dolls, making photostories, organized, etc..... but I just haven't been doing that. (Well I did doodle some the other night)

I kinda feel like the real me is floating around me throwing etherial objects at me to try to get me back into the "groove" of things, but its just not working.

Maybe I shouldn't be quite so hard on myself. I was sick for about a week after I got back from Japan and my apartment became and un-organized whirlwind of my stuff from lack of having the energy to put stuff in the right place, find the "right" place for the things I brought back from Japan, and to just really do more than sleep a lot. lol

Anyway... onto a weekend of awesome. Meeting with old friends, doll friends, and relaxation.

Oh yea... and if any dolly people are reading this and have a Fullset Soom Euclase they want to sell... let me know ^_~


( 384V) ~~> ( 416V)

Monday, September 7, 2009

I've always hated band-aids. Even if they come in bright colors

I wish I didn't have this band-aid over my heart.

It hurts to take it off, it hurts to heal, it looks ugly, it feels bad.

I wish I hadn't gotten hurt to begin with.

It shouldn't have affected me so much, but it's just not the same.

( 384V) ~~> ( 387V)

The happiest a girl can make herself

So, this week (well last week as it is now 3:18 am on Monday) has been absolutely fabulous!!!

Even though I had some not so good stuff happen this week, the good has definitely outweighed the bad..... (Typhoon, Layover, got sick from someone on plane, Jet lag....)

Made it home safe from Japan, paid off a lot of debt, got a lot of doll time in, and got to order pretty much all of the dolls on my "realistic" wants list and also some that I thought I would never have the chance of owning.

I'm gonna list them out and I know those of you who will probably turn your nose up or kinda say "wtf" to this long list, but quite honestly I don't care. I also think some of you will think me very "materialistic" but I don't care. My BJD hobby brings me a lot of joy. Besides....They are mine, I am paying for them with my money, and I will luv it soooo much ^_^ *clap*

So....Onto the lists.... (Don't get me started on the clothes/wigs.... lol)

Realistic SD Size (55cm - 90cm) wants:
(Ordered) LUTS CP Shine-Natural Skin

LUTS CP SS El-Beauty White

Dollzone Tan Yuu
Realistic MSD Size (30cm - 45cm) wants:
(Ordered) Fairyland MNF Karsh-Boy A-Line Normal body Normal Skin

(Ordered) Fairyland MNF-Lishe-Boy A-Line Normal Body Beauty White

(Ordered) Iplehouse JID Ryan-Normal Skin B-Type Makeup + Mobility Joint
Realistic Tiny Size (0cm - 25cm) wants:
(Ordered) Fairyland LTF- El Full Package - NS

Unrealistic SD Size (55cm - 90cm) wants:
(Ordered) Top Secret..... till maybe October or November....

Unrealistic MSD (35cm - 45cm) wants:
tan el
Unrealistic Tiny Size (0cm - 25cm) wants:
(Ordered) Fairyland LTF Ante Macaron Full Set (OUT OF PRINT since October 2008)

"Free" Bonus items (Limited edition items not to be offered any other time):
(Ordered) Fairyland Pukipuki Pumpkin head

(Ordered) Fairyland LTF Ante Winking Faceplate

(Ordered) Fairyland MNF Breakaway Scar Head + Scar Arm

(Ordered) Fairyland MNF Shiwoo Scar Head + Scar Arm

This is going to be the longest two or three months EVER!


( 341V) ~~> ( 384V)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Longest random blog ever. ほかの道と思った、ね

I think I am starting on a different path.

I feel my direction changing, like I am in a sailboat without a rutter (steering mechanism). The wind is my driving and directional force.

I went through a stage where I felt so utterly alone, and I clung to what in my mind was a rose at the time. The harder I clung to and cared for this rose, the more I kept running into its thorns. No matter how pretty, soft, or sweet smelling I thought this rose was I just couldn't and shouldn't have had to take the thorns any longer. But I think this is a bad analogy..... the things that hurt me, the thorns.... were things that were not innate or naturally occuring, not a simple fact of life. They were actions which were chosen.

I need to be happy with where the wind blows. It just hurts to wish for, long for what seems to be impossible. Be happy with how things are, and if they change or that wish happens to come true then be oh so thankful. One shouldn't regret or not be satisfied with what they have (especially if they truly have nothing to be sad about). Then again, you can't know happiness without knowing sadness. Each makes you appreciate/understand the other. One would think that by the law of averages.... I have had my share of sadness.

I have a good life, and should be/am very grateful/thankful but I am so restless. Why can I not be satisfied with what I have?

I want the fairy-tale. I want the protective samurai. I want them to be able to finish my sentence. I want someone I am comfortable enough to tell my sorrows and cry with. I want someone who shares my passions. I want to have the unwavering knowledge that they care no matter what. I want to know that they are thinking about me too. I want to have my heart flutter when they look at me. I want to be wanted for the right reasons. I want to be inspired to paint/create/draw/cosplay. I want someone who will think my quirky actions to be cute and not criticize them. I want to love and be loved. (The sad part is.... that I think it is easier for me to be loved, than it is for me to love. I have tried in the past to make my heart feel love and it did not end well. My heart has a mind of its own and I cannot persuade it to think one way or another)

I don't want to settle for what I need. Why must I always aim for the stars?

I just have to find that one shooting star to break past the armor now placed around my heart but I don't have a telescope nor a net to catch the star. I have to find it before I can catch it, but the universe is so vast. I don't know where to start.

I am watching one of my favorite movies, The Fountain.

I love this movie for so many reasons: The Music, The Characters.

The Music:
The music for this movie moves me to tears. It is just so simply beautiful. I listen to it a lot when I try to sleep at night, hoping its sound will help me to have dreams as beautiful as the music. For the past..... maybe 6 years or so I have not been able to dream on a regular basis. My dreams seem to be connected to my happiness. When I am happy (not fleeting happiness, but when my whole universe is complete, at peace, whole, as it should be, blissful) I am able to dream on a regular basis and feel inspired to be creative.

*~*~*~/Dream Rant~*~*~*
I dreamt of what true, real, throughout time, undying love was like once. It was so blissful I that when I woke up, I was actually able to go back to sleep and start my dream back where it left off. For a person who has trouble sleeping, having dreams at all, much less remembering their dreams, this was an amazing thing. It is quite silly, but this dream, my trouble with dreams, and the fact I was able to return to it really helps give me hope for love and happiness. The strangest part about this dream was that this manifestation of love which I was so happy with in the dream.... did not have a face. It had a soft, warm body and the most beautiful voice. In my dream, there were always these creatures after us that wanted to separate me and this manifestation of love. Somehow we always were able to escape. We survived as long as we were hand in hand.
*~*~*~/end Dream Rant~*~*~*

The Characters:
Conquistador/Tommy/The Last Man/Hugh Jackman: I feel so very much for this man. He gets so caught up in trying to keep his love from dying he forgets to appreciate the time he has. A blinded love such as his can be so blissful, and yet so painful. "Death is a disease, just like any other and there is a cure...... and I will find it"

Queen of Spain/Izzi/Tree of Life/Rachel Weisz: I admire her for her strength to not dwell on unfortunate facts outside of her control (her own sickness). I admire her persistent love of her life and Tommy. She always appreciates the time she has, and Tommy. "I'm not afraid anymore Tommy.......I AM with you, look. I'll always be with you. I promise."

Normally I feel better after writing, but I don't this time.

I feel restless. I feel like a lost traveler in a land where no one speaks my language. I feel like I am unable to relate to those around me. I feel like an alien in a strange land where up is left and right is down. I'm not angry about my mis-placement. I am quite simply baffled, confused.

( 295V) ~~> ( 341V)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


To Akihabara!

The center of most boy geek-dom. Big boobied girl figurines wearing almost nothing.... all kinds of robot building, computer building, lighting, gadget etc stuffs, Maid Cafe's, Video Games, and girls dressed as maids or lolitas all around.

It was super cool. We didn't go to a maid cafe.... Maybe we/I will go back.... it just seems a little weird.

I also got to see my first Pullip doll in life....

I thought they were creepy before... but now I like some of them. (Though I tend to lump the Pullip and Blythe dolls into the same categories.... I think the Pullips are not as creepy) I even saw one that looked like Gekka no Yakusoku Mana!!! So cute.... but I couldn't take a picture and wouldn't pay ~$320 for it.

I also found a new Japanese phenomena that I think is hillarious..... I love the many different Mameba!

I also took a ton of videos! Check out my Youtube channel

aaah.... sleep time I think.

( 263V) ~~> ( 295V)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Hopefully Harajuku

I was worried I wasn't going to get to go to Harajuku, and worried about where Jamie was... but it all worked out.

We made it to the birthplace of so many things I love. It was great. A dream come true for me.

There were so many cool looking people there, but not any cosplayers and only a few lolitas. It was probably because it was Tuesday in the middle of the day though.... The cosplayers and lolitas come out on Sundays, or thats what I've been told.

I plan to go out there on Sunday cosplaying in my Blue Le Ciel Mana costume, but I also want to go back there again before Sunday. I wanna geek out in more detail ^_^. Gaah.... soo tired..... and didn't blog about this yesterday so kinda forgot what else happened....

Went drinking at a nice bar. The bartender had a blast with Trybbl... lol So cute ^.^

( 233V) ~~> ( 263V)

Monday, August 24, 2009

一人しないで I didn't do so well on my own.

So I wasn't very good at exploring on my own yesterday. I did not find to SOOM store because I had thought my directions said to take a left out of the Shinjuku station.... the Shinjuku stations is HUGE and has a ton of different exits. So I proceeded to walk around the ENTIRE station and make lefts out of each exit to see if I could find Takeshita street. Thank goodness I didn't ask someone... they would have looked at me strangely because the area I needed to be in was Harajuku.

I did have fun wandering around looking though. I had Gaius with me and he catapulted his wig off his head (Like normal) and a Japanese man was very kind and picked it up and gave it to me. I am sure he didn't see Gaius and had to wonder what the hell that little black furry thing was... I personally might have wondered if it was clean to touch @_@. lol

I am used to getting stared at in the United States... and I get stared at here alot, but for some reason it feels different. It never phases me in the US. But here in Japan I wanna hide under an umbrella (which won't work because Jamie and I had to buy clear ones. hehe)

I had Mc Donalds for breakfast/lunch. Everything was in proportion... except for the drink. The drink was kinda ridiculously small.

I ended up sleeping and trying to figure out directions to the SOOM store while waiting for Jamie. It was good I stayed in the hotel otherwise we wouldn't have seen each other to go to her gig.

We got sooo lost trying to get to the Star Pine Cafe. We really should have just asked how to go where when we first got there. It would have been faster ^.^ The lady at the train station was SO nice. Helped us get a total different train brand, which she didn't work for, so we wouldn't have to make a transfer.

Yuri helped us find the Cafe and also helped translate for Jamie. During a little break before the show we got to go get traditional Japanese Ramen! It was SOOOO good. I want more today ^_^. Luckily its cheap! Yuri was very nice and bought our dinner (Thank you Yuri!)

I got video of Jamie's entire performance ^_^ she did very well.

We also got to see Hiro (a photographer we met at Sakura Con). It was good to see him again. He is a very funny guy. He takes funny pictures. (Thanks for the ride home Hiro!) Sorry Yuri and Hiro I was too tired to hang out last night. But we will see them and Ayumi on Thursday. Maybe we will go do Karaoke (I'm so nervous!)

Jamie also wants to go clubbing.... I am not so sure about that T_T


Ok time to make some green tea and start getting ready for Harajuku (gotta decide what the Darlings and I are going to wear)

( 233V) ~~> ( 263V)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Set foot on Japanese Concrete (Narita Airport)

We made it to the airport and it was hot and muggy. Made me feel like I was in the south again.

The view of the land was so pretty from the air. I've traveled quite a bit and this has topped it all for me(as far as a view from an airplane). The cultivated land, and the housing was all so sectioned into neat little partitions, but bits and sections of natural tree/forest were left in their natural shapes to break up the sectioned bits, but somehow still fit in harmony.

Immigrations went just fine, though it was surprising that we had to have our picture taken, as well as fingerprints taken. There was a TV screen advertising how the immigration process works, and when it was describing the fingerprint/photo portion it said that if you refused to do so, you would be ordered to leave Japan! @_@

I am worried about our phones though.... We verified with AT&T that our phones would work here, and we paid to have international coverage (I also paid to have data usage as well) and we have had no service yet. Which has kind of surprised me, but at the same time not. Part of me thinks we should have had service because we were at an international airport..... but the other part of me isn't surprised that we didn't have service because that airport is out in the 'boonies'. I am positive it will work once we get past/around Tokyo.

Now I am on the Shinkansen on my way to Shinjuku. The seats are pretty roomy, sort of like riding an amtrak. I got a window seat so I could take time lapse video of the train ride (Like I have done before in London and Paris). Too bad its getting dark... I think the video will still be cool ^_^. I feel like I am in one of the first animes I ever saw. Galaxy Express 999. I'd love to cosplay Maetel! *squee*

I then felt like I was on a train to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry because a cute little train lady came by with a cart of goodies. They had everything from toys to snacks to juices. I got 200 ($2) yen 100 ml Orange juice that I will definitely make last a while @_@. lol I was so proud of my bad Japanese T_T. The cart lady understood what I was saying. Though all I asked was how much the items were. They had these CUTE little trains....a set of like 8 of them for 1,000 yen ($10) but I was strong..... and didn't get them. Unfortunately, I believe I will have to do that a good bit this trip. I will be able to judge more when we get our first meal... that way I can see how much the food will cost.

I am also very happy with my Katakana retention... I've been able to read a lot of signs which have been whizzing by as my train zips its way towards Shinjuku.

(223 V) ~~> (233 V)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The first part of a big journey

So far this trip has gone pretty good. There have been some challenges, but nothing that couldn't be handled.

My Macbook Pro, Lupin, died.... well more like rebelled after I left work. It was working at work just fine.... I bus to over to Jamie's (with no types of bumps or anything....) and then get to her place and go to turn it on and I hear the apple boot/Wall-E boot sound... and I see NOTHING.

I had already been stressed out that day so I was already a bit on edge, but I took a deep breath and started troubleshooting the issue.

I powered down the laptop, turned it over, took out the battery, pressed the power button to release any power from the capacitors inside, replaced the battery, and then turned on the laptop. Again... I hear the sounds of it working, but no video. I even boot into OS X and can hear myself turning up and down the volume (via the top keys).

So now I know that either the LCD is dead and/or the Video card is fried. Luckily Jamie had a monitor with DVI, so I was able to see if it would boot up and output video to an external monitor. I shutdown the laptop, plug in the DVI and turn the machine on...boot into OS X and it does not auto detect the monitor. The monitor's input indication LED just stays that horrible orange (not green showing it is getting video input). I then try to unplug the DVI for a few minutes, and then plug it back in so it will detect the monitor and no such luck. I have a dead laptop right before a trip in which I had planned to do a lot of blogging, and take a ton of video and pictures. Which I would need to be able to get the pictures and video off of my camera's 8gb and 4gb cards.

Jamie and I had planned to take Jennifer out to dinner and to go see Miyazaki's new film Ponyo (Which is an absolutely ADORABLE movie. GO SEE THE CUTENESS NOW!)... but now with my laptop dead I am stuck in a horrible dilemma 14 hours before my flight to Japan leaves. So we got to get dinner, but did not have time to go see Ponyo as Jamie and I both had things we still needed to get done before the trip.

I had a tough decision to make. Do I use a large chunk of my money to get a new laptop, or just suffer through without it and have a good amount of spending money (Just in case the SOOM store had a Heliot I could get)? I had planned to sell my old laptop when I could then immediately go out and buy a new laptop. I was also stuck with the problem that I had not decided if I wanted the mid/high 15" Pro or the high 17" Pro. I ended up deciding on the mid level 15" Pro. There was no real need for the excess and I didn't have the extra money to spend. I also had wanted to get this really cute yellow case for my new Macbook Pro when I got it, but at this store I only had the choices of orange, or hotel carpet green. Neither of which were my favorite by any means. I ended up choosing the orange case.

Then I had to decide whether or not it was worth it to go all the way to my place in order to get my Time Machine HDD so I could re-image this new laptop with it. Luckily I had just done a backup the night before (which left me only missing some time lapse video I had done of me packing and somehow pictures from my last meetup with Darby, Kelly, Jeff, and Ryan at the Space Needle) so Jennifer was nice enough to take me all the way from Kirkland to my place to get my Hard Drives and a skirt Jamie wanted to borrow....

We get back to Kirkland and I start the process of restoring the new laptop from a Time Machine backup (which went superbly smooth!). So I chit-chat doll stuff with Jennifer while we wait for the restoring to finish, and I suddenly realize that after we had already made a special trip to my place... I had forgotten to pack THE most important item to have... My effin PASSPORT!

So Jennifer again was very gracious to take me to my apartment on yet another trip to get my Passport (And my face jewels for Mana!) We get back to Kirkland (again) and my Time Machine restore finishes and I find there are a ton of updates to do, which I get done.

Wow, this is one of the longer blogs I have written, and my attention span is waining T_T. REPO! The Genetic Opera is distracting me, hehe. I think I may finish this at a later time.

(192 V) ~~> ( 223V)

Monday, August 17, 2009

Already cried a river (more like an ocean), Building a bridge, and working to get over it

I'm trying my best to move on to a new chapter in my life.

I thought I had found that guy that could make me the happiest woman on the planet.... and he had the potential, but obviously didn't care to follow through. Because of my temporary happiness I was actually inspired to draw again.... I hadn't been in that kind of creative mode for 6 years.... 6 YEARS.....

That happiness quickly melted into some of the saddest times I have experienced, but I won't dwell on it as it has already taken up too much of my time, my patience, and worst of all my heart.

Onto good things!!!

I was able to check off one of my dream dolls... a Fairyland LittleFee Beauty White Fullset Ante...(The one below is in Natural Skin)
She was debuted October of 2008 and sold out very quickly and I was undecided on her because of her size.... (She is half of the size of Gaius and Leeloo) A friend of mine has one of her and I am always requesting that she be brought along, because I enjoy her so much! I was VERY luck to of found that Fairyland had contacted DDE in order to see if they wanted the leftover Antes.... and I was luck enough to have been able to snatch one of these up. (They said she was their only one!!)

I was able to get my Ante fix for the day as I was able to play with Lavinia ^_^ Thanks Fenris! Here are the pictures from the day's playtime!
BJD-MeetUp-2009-08-16-Space Needle (BJD-MeetUp-2009-08-16-Space Needle)
Gaius can't wait for the new girl to get here... He likes the Little Fees and hates the Pukis.... Leeloo loves the Pukis ^_^

I also did some dream shopping and found that around $2300 would actually take care of all of my Fairyland wants(for the most part) which is pretty damn amazing considering that includes 4 dolls (with extra hands, faces with faceups), wigs, clothes, shoes....I just gotta wait until the Summer/Autumn event to get the free goodies!! ^_^

I have also found another boy MSD doll I want to get..... to be Leeloo's boyfriend. An Iplehouse J.I.D. Ryan.

I built a dream cart around him.... with wigs... shoes, clothes, eyes... from the same company and that turned out to be $680

And finally I built a dream cart of some clothing/eyes/wigs I wanted from DDE which ended up being $185. Not too bad for all the items.... I would have gotten this had I not just gotten Ante.... and had not been going to Japan this Saturday(not complaining about the trip though!!)

Also!!! I'm pre-ordering one of the first DoA only Male Fers from Dollheart! So Excited!

So excited about so much awesome *drool*.....But I must sleep now....

(157 V) ~~> (192 V)

Friday, August 7, 2009


Thomas Ourada-Birthday - 07

So on Thursday I was wondering if my asking off Friday would have been fruitful, but It seems as though it will have been pointless.

I have Innocente Seraphim this weekend. None of the activities I am really concerned about going to start until 8:30 Friday Night.

I don't believe my original reason for asking off for tomorrow will come through and that makes me sad. I do not like getting to put my opinion in, I do not like being ignored, I do not like having my decisions made for me. I do not like being kept out of the loop when I am involved.

But there is nothing I can do about that. I really must get over this, and see it as their loss, not mine.

A relationship takes two people's efforts, not just one.

So done...

Now time to focus on dollies and lolita-ness! I really want there to be a Shine( or Ante( there.... T_T It would cheer me up so much.
Kumoricon 2008 - Day 04 - 21

(130 V) ~~> (157 V)

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Fact or Fiction: Fairytale Love

***On my way to work, I took some pictures of a series of flowers... they are in the exact sequence in which I found them. To me, they tell a story. Here is that story***

Why do we always strive for the things we read about in books, or are told about in stories as a kid?

Are they things that we continually wish existed, but don't?

Are they things that are told about because they exist in fact?

Is there fact in the saying that "every joke grows from some truth"?


~~~*~*~***A story of a Flower***~*~*~~~

Blog-A story of a Flower - 1
A lone flower on a path which many people no longer pass by. The bus stop nearby has been shut down.
Blog-A story of a Flower - 2

Look! There's someone! a Brightness comes through as there is a glimmer of hope. Even though they are not another flower,still it is something else in existence. Maybe they could relate.

Blog-A story of a Flower - 4
They speed off down the road, stopping because of the law. Maybe to say "Hi, How are you?" as habit, or maybe to be polite as society says one should, but in reality not truly caring about your response of even really hearing it. They are too far away to care

Blog-A story of a Flower - 5
Sometime later a brilliance shows in the flower. No more settling for any other thing in existence. Did the flower actually find another flower? Could this fairytale be true?

Blog-A story of a Flower - 6
Some distance is created, life happens. The rains come. Can the Flowers survive? Do both want to strive to co-exist? Plants cannot simply get up and walk over to each other and sit with the other fir a short amount of time. They would have to plant each other in their vicinity. Grow Roots. Plant themselves.

Blog-A story of a Flower - 7
The color fades, the flower is alone and flattened. Perhaps a biker came by and ran over the flower. there are things that we can't control. The other flower stepped out of the way and this one took the fall. They were brave enough to try and uproot which complicated its existence, made it more vulnerable to the things going down the pathway of life.

Blog-A story of a Flower - 8
The Flower attempts to get back up, trying to shine as bright as possible, but its petals were squished off. It has but little brightness left until it can grow back. But that is what it will do, what it must do. Next time, will it try to uproot? Maybe.

Ashley-Random-Hearts - 31
Go down that road we call life and Shine Bright Flower, Shine Bright. I believe in you, Can that be enough?

(100 V) ~~> (130 V)

Monday, July 27, 2009

What to do when you're awake, but not there? (7:27 am) and my OCD tendancy

So, I am awake (yawnin' a little) and feel like I am sort of in limbo.

Kind of how one feels after being hit in the stomach really hard minus any pain. I am sure this makes tons of sense. I feel like I am in shock, but have no reason to be shocked. I'm hoping this isn't some kind of Deja Vu or like prepping for the future because I cant tell if this shocked feeling would be from a good or bad event.

My life has been the same the past two weeks really. This past weekend could have been a total bummer, because all my plans got changed except for one doll meet and then I got invited to another one. So the meets helped to save my weekend.

I have had some anxiety around my..... obsessiveness with things that I like..... "Obsessive" has a negative connotation and I do not necessarily see it as negative all the time. I am just afraid it can/will turn out negative.

Once I find something I like I tend to be pretty stuck on that thing for years. The hard part is finding something I like. I have very particular, peculiar, and unique tastes. Because of my unique likes I tend to find things or activities I like, but when I find a person I like (just a friend or otherwise) I always get scared that I will call, text, email, or IM too much and they will think I am annoying and not want to associate with me anymore. I had an Ex who was really annoying because he had to know what I was doing all the time and would freak out if I didn't respond to irrelevant(seriously... I'd get pictures of like..... the dog and a family member that wasn't nice and they didn't like) emails or if I didn't text him for 2 hours. Anyway.... I want to hear from the people I care about, even if it is something as simple as "hey" or "good morning" or "hope you are well". That little bit of effort put forth into doing that shows that they at least for that second or two were thinking about me and that little fact in my head makes me happy.

Its the simplest things that make me happy.

Making a cup of coffee at work just right.
Finding Hearts randomly (Which I do ALOT)
Finding a new Malice Mizer video I haven't seen (this is a rare occurence!)
Playing WoW with friends I know in real life (this is how I mostly play)
Watching the videos I have made (Especially the time lapse of the paintings)
Filling up a shopping cart full of BJD Items I want from Fairyland, Luts, and Dollmore. (And hopefully getting some of them one day)
Drinking cheap strawberry wine after a stressful day at work
Listening to the same 6 songs I am hooked on for two weeks straight (Tukan - Wonder of life, Together We Will Live Forever - The Fountain Soundtrack, Haruki Murakami - The Slants, Love Within My Sins - The Slants, You Rock My World - Michael Jackson, The Bravest Thing - Bare Naked Ladies)

(86 V) ~~> (100 V)

What to do when you can't sleep? (2:18 am)

I'm restless, I can't sleep. I'm not sad. I'm dreaming while awake too much, so much I can't sleep (nor do I want to).

I don't want to sleep because I typically don't dream when sleeping (Or at least I do not remember them) When I do dream... they are nightmares. The ones you wake up full in sweat or crying. Luckily I've only had a handful of those the past few years.

I don't want to sleep because I have too many beautiful things I want to create (Paintings, Photostories, Videos)
*A video I worked on earlier tonight is below*

I have so much I want to experience (this unfortunately has limiting factors which I cannot control. A few big ones for me currently are money and distance)

Back to the problem at hand..... sleeping...

I hate sleeping alone. I like to cuddle up to someone/something whenever possible, but its best when sleeping. (Of course I am selective about the object of my cuddles, lol)

I think I might try to see if there is something soft, cute, cuddly, and comforting at Toys R Us, Mall, or Target tomorrow. Ball Jointed Dolls are too hard to cuddle with, and cost too much in case I have a nightmare and throw it across the room. Maybe if I had somethin' to snuggle I could sleep better. (I know its childish, but if you know me you are laughing at this point because this craziness totally makes sense for me) So go ahead, shake your head at my silliness.

Music for my mood ~ enjoy ~

(67 V) ~> (86 V)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Re-Learning that Positive things come to positive people. *On a plane to Japan in 1 month!*

I have been down about various things the past week or so, when I really shouldn't have been.

Just when I finally was able to start convincing myself that my worries were unjustified and stupid, sure thing the worries went away and happiness returned once again to my life.

Like Dory says "~Just keep swimming~"

Keep a positive attitude and the butterflies will stay and the bees will go away. (haha I made a rhyme)

I also believe ones own happiness can filter out onto others too. Happiness is a good cootie to catch XD (I should draw what one looks like)

So, Japan in one month!

VERY exciting.

Goals to get done this week for planning Japan

1. Make a list of the places I'd like to go
⁃ SOOM Store
⁃ Moi Meme Moitie
⁃ Harajuku Bridge
2. Find out where these places are and map out how to get to each of them
3. Figure out how to handle the phone situation (whether to upgrade to international plan with AT&T or get a pre-pay phone in Japan (if they translate for me... hellz yes)


I've found myself on this roller coaster, and I have NEVER liked roller coasters.

I chose to step off that roller coaster. Best decision this week!

(67 V)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

You make yourself and your life.

BJD-Gaius-Kitty Ears - 10

You make yourself and your life. It's up to you how it goes.

You make time for the things and people you care about, the things and activities which are important you or are necessary.

We live our lives for us right? Its our life.

You may tell yourself that you are just busy and while that may be true. It doesn't mean that you don't have time to pay your bills, that you don't have time to run to the store for that drink you are thirsty for, that you don't have time to find out how your loved ones are doing, that you don't have time to say good morning, that you don't make time for that favorite TV show.

I've found myself on this roller coaster, and I have NEVER liked roller coasters.

I tend to not fare well when it comes to the sick stomach feeling which gravity can impose, but I know I'll survive and sometimes its fun to reflect on a time you were scared.

The experience of being scared lets you know you are alive, and appreciate when you are blissful.

(64 V)

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Now the butterflies have attracted the stinging bees

It had been so long I didn't realize that the butterflies were never alone.

They are always followed by these hateful stinging bees. You don't even have to swat for these guys to sting. They try to find where the butterflies had landed on you and gave a kiss of happiness and ruin it.

The bees don't even have to sting. They just have to buzz around your head so you can't hear. Maybe their buzzing has just gotten you so diss-oriented you are just miss-interperiting things or over reacting.

(59 V)

Friday, July 17, 2009



If it comes down to it, what do I want/need? What concerns are there.

I'm ready to be that butterfly in the wind again. I always hate coming home left only with my worried thoughts. Can't I get sucked into drawing again? Can't I be satisfied in making photostories?

Why do I feel the urgent want to connect? I used to not care if anyone else cared, but I do.

I do.

I need to not be scared, be myself, and just be happy with me and mine.

Normally typing things out really helps, but at the moment I am sitting in front of this keyboard with a cloud over my head. I want to let it all out, but just don't have it in me.


(51 V)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I asked for butterflies, right?

I asked for butterflies, right?

But is this really what I want and need? How might this turn out?

Why do I have to have such a youthful spark, but yet so adult morals and responsibilities. Its hard to find someone else like that.

Should I care about the little things? If you have a bunch of 1's and you add them up... they eventually become a big number. Nothing will be perfect, that I know.

Some of the things were remedied eventually, but should it have ever happened at all?

I mean enough to confess to, but not enough to tell the truth from the beginning? I guess I can understand... afraid of rejection or not being given a chance. I'm not good at showing 100% of myself to others either.

How different would it be were they decisive? What if the decision was not what I wanted to hear, or what I wanted to hear? What will be the difference between now and the future?

I'm not even sure of what I want to hear. Well I know what I want to hear should the stars align. I wish my luck in life were as such, but that is not the case. I can only control my life and my decisions. I don't want it guilted or forced. I just want to know.

Love, come set me free.
"Got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same"
Love Please, Its tiring making lemonade all the time. It's even harder trying to share that lemonade.

Brett Dennen's "Ain't No Reason"

(36 V)

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Life and the acronym of R.T.F.M.

(No pictures for this blog today folks. I'm doing a serious re-org on my iPhoto and Flickr libraries)

I have found that life doesn't have a manual to it. If you have someone questioning what they should do, or how their life is, there is no way you can tell them to just RTFM (Read The Fucking Manual) because there isn't one.

Each life has its own nuances, its own particular circumstances. Each person makes decisions differently, has different likes and dislikes. AND it is those nuances that makes life interesting, but I also think that people are afraid of those nuances. Afraid to let the tendencies that make them unique shine and not conform to the societal perfect desirable human.

Simply said, one of mine is my love of wearing my cute kitty ears out in public. I like doing it, but some days I have enough confidence to do it and others I don't. Some days I do not feel like dealing with the effort it takes to swim against the current. Another one would be my dolls. I really do enjoy the hobby and bringing them with me places, and now that I have a smaller one, I always have one with me. But I tend to only take them out when with people I truly trust. My creativity goes into them, so they in a way are a part of me. Not to mention they are just plain expensive. lol

Instead of being able to RTFM, I wish I could have a coin with two sides. One says "GOOD" and the other "BAD". I wish this coin and the gravity that would control it when I flip it in the air would know whether or not the majority of the life experience that will come from a decision would be "GOOD" or "BAD". I wouldn't want to see the future results of a decision (then it would be a boring journey to an end result you already knew would happen). I also understand that the decisions we make, and what happens because of said decision, can never have only good outcomes/consequences. But it would be nice to know if they were good or bad over-all.

Then also... how would this coin know if the value of said "GOOD" would really out weigh the "BAD" even if there were more "BAD" than "GOOD" according to its scale?

When all is said and done, you just have to be you, make your decisions and then they will decide if they love or hate you for it.

(10 V)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

How fitting is it?

What a strange coincidence is it that these stars have aligned. Do they fortell the future?
Its Thursday, the day before Friday, the day before I have a date. (what seems like my first date ever... well technically it is when you compare it to the other two guys I have 'dated')

I woke up so early today that I have been doing things out of order, started playing music on the iPhone before turning on bluetooth and connecting to my headset, by the time I connected to my headset it was stuck on Gackt's Kimi Ni Aitakute (on loop I might add) and I don't specifically recall setting it on this song, nor on repeat yesterday.

I am trying to not get too excited. I've got to protect my fragile heart, but the events so far are so coincidental.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ramblings of an increasingly happy girl.

I don't want to jinx it, but it is seeming I have gotten out of my funk. I haven't been sleeping at odd hours nearly as much as I was a few weeks ago. I've been getting a lot of things done!

I've kept the apartment a lot tidier (Not that most people would have considered it dirty I am slightly OCD)

I have been doing a lot more of the things I enjoy like Doll Meets, Doll photoshoots, blogging, talking with old friends more, and making new friends.

The only way it would be better is if I had less debt (working on it), had more Dolls like Shine or El or Karsh or Ante or Pipi or Lishe or Tan Yuu or Miyavi (this is on my long list of to get), had a Cintiq 12wx, had a DSLR (gotta make up my mind on which one) made more money (working on it), and lived downtown alone or with someone (working on it)

Though there are some things I have missed lately, I haven't gotten to hang out with Oren, play WoW, or gotten to see much of Jamie. Its ok though, I'll have to fix that.

*crosses fingers for more happiness*


Monday, June 29, 2009

Some awesome videos I found while sorting stuffs

So sweet ^_^. I have a soft spot for Mario, especially Yoshi

Great Portal sound effect/music remix

Portal typography

Portal - Still Alive typography from Trickster on Vimeo.

How the Dragonball movie should have been done....

/end random fun links

Why does it always hurt?

Its the same as it every was, even the annoying things.
And yet somehow I miss it.

Why do I enjoy the times,
And yet end up sad.

Maybe I need it of my own,
a happiness all mine.

Something that won't make me sad.
Something New,
Something Shiny,
Something Inspiring,
Something Vivacious.
Something to Love and be Loved.

It really sucks sometimes.

Another weekend of Dolls, Old Friends, and Parades.

So I have had another great weekend. Lets start it with a cute video Alan sent me.

BJD-MeetUp-Space Needle - 08

I packed up all my travel drawing stuff, computer, and all three darlings with me and went to hang out under the needle after work. I was then joined by two friends from work. Thanks so much for coming out! I really did have a great time. After hanging at the needle doodlin' we went in search for a kaiten (conveyor belt sushi) and we found one right at the QFC on 5th called "Genki Sushi" Oh my GOD it was great! The atmosphere was wonderful..... the sushi (and its prices) were great. I will definitely have to check out their happy hour sometime. I do have a 10% off coupon for there... mmmm
BJD-MeetUp-Space Needle - 11

BJD-MeetUp-Space Needle - 13

BJD-MeetUp-Space Needle - 04
BJD-Meetup-Lakeview Cemetary - 46
I got up early and got some shopping done (bought two fabulously cute and comfy dresses (one was 1/2 off!!). Then I met up with a fellow doll enthusiast at Lakeview Cemetery and took some awesome shots of the darlings. Poor Linnear was left at home. He would have been quite out of place, as he would have been the only SD there. Not to mention how freakin heavy he is. We eventually made our way over to Volunteer Park and then decided to take pictures of us torturing Gaius with Pukis. He has quite the dis-taste for the cute little Pukis, meanwhile Leeloo was in heaven! She loves the cute little Pukis. Going to Volunteer Park made me really wish I lived near a real park instead of a stinky swamp.....Damn you Google and calling it a park......
BJD-Meetup-Lakeview Cemetary - 13
BJD-Meetup-Lakeview Cemetary - 14
BJD-Meetup-Lakeview Cemetary - 16
BJD-Meetup-Lakeview Cemetary - 39
After finally finding my way home (The busses in Capitol Hill area were all kindsa messed up because of the Rock festival (?). But I am glad people had fun, and I ended up finding a bus to get home so it was all good) I took a nap as the sun wore me out pretty bad. Then I decided to give Leeloo's legs and butt a good cleaning. I took her legs and lower torso (Butt) apart and used Acetone to clean off all the fabric dye (from Dollmore pants) and MSC. I'll have to re-spray her.

I got up early caught breakfast with a friend at the Athenian's at Pike's Market, saw some the Pride Parade, and headed home and got some photo uploading and cleaning done.