Saturday, February 25, 2012


BJD-Photostory-2011-11-07-Leeloo-Darn Dreams - 12

I've had a lot of good things happen lately... but I still seem to get stuck on the few things that do frustrate me.

Maybe they aren't things that would be very important to other people, but they ruffle my feathers. I feel kind of distant from the friends I have and its mostly not any one particular party's fault. Schedules are crazy, things have happened, I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately.

I really miss my friends
I want my friends to be happy and healthy
I want to be happy
I want to be more motivated and on top of things
I want to be able to easily park my car
I want to weigh 120 lbs.
I wish some of my past hadn't happened. I wish this grey cloud wasn't always there.

Money doesn't solve as much as I once thought it did.

(144627V) ~> (14881V)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Looking Back a year

Crushed Dreams

Looking back a year reminds me of what a terrifying time it was.

I feel like the last year shouldn't of happened, like I should have already been where I am now - then. Who would've known "I really thought I had found him. I still think I have." would end up being such a reality.

I found him, he left, another tried coming back for their own sinister intent and then left and hypocritically married another, a new one tried to swoop in, and then he came back having realized his mistake.

I took a chance again at the happiness I first envisioned months before. If I survived his heartbreak once, I could do it again. In fact this time I would be enraged instead of devastated and my anger is a frightful thing to behold.

I'm thankfully living that happiness so far but I also unwillingly live with a shadow of the past looming over my head. Sometimes I feel like an abuse victim that automatically flinches as an auto reflex to a hand reaching out to hug instead of hit. I can't help whats happened in the past - as much as I wish I could.

(14314V) ~> (14627V)