Monday, July 27, 2009

What to do when you're awake, but not there? (7:27 am) and my OCD tendancy

So, I am awake (yawnin' a little) and feel like I am sort of in limbo.

Kind of how one feels after being hit in the stomach really hard minus any pain. I am sure this makes tons of sense. I feel like I am in shock, but have no reason to be shocked. I'm hoping this isn't some kind of Deja Vu or like prepping for the future because I cant tell if this shocked feeling would be from a good or bad event.

My life has been the same the past two weeks really. This past weekend could have been a total bummer, because all my plans got changed except for one doll meet and then I got invited to another one. So the meets helped to save my weekend.

I have had some anxiety around my..... obsessiveness with things that I like..... "Obsessive" has a negative connotation and I do not necessarily see it as negative all the time. I am just afraid it can/will turn out negative.

Once I find something I like I tend to be pretty stuck on that thing for years. The hard part is finding something I like. I have very particular, peculiar, and unique tastes. Because of my unique likes I tend to find things or activities I like, but when I find a person I like (just a friend or otherwise) I always get scared that I will call, text, email, or IM too much and they will think I am annoying and not want to associate with me anymore. I had an Ex who was really annoying because he had to know what I was doing all the time and would freak out if I didn't respond to irrelevant(seriously... I'd get pictures of like..... the dog and a family member that wasn't nice and they didn't like) emails or if I didn't text him for 2 hours. Anyway.... I want to hear from the people I care about, even if it is something as simple as "hey" or "good morning" or "hope you are well". That little bit of effort put forth into doing that shows that they at least for that second or two were thinking about me and that little fact in my head makes me happy.

Its the simplest things that make me happy.

Making a cup of coffee at work just right.
Finding Hearts randomly (Which I do ALOT)
Finding a new Malice Mizer video I haven't seen (this is a rare occurence!)
Playing WoW with friends I know in real life (this is how I mostly play)
Watching the videos I have made (Especially the time lapse of the paintings)
Filling up a shopping cart full of BJD Items I want from Fairyland, Luts, and Dollmore. (And hopefully getting some of them one day)
Drinking cheap strawberry wine after a stressful day at work
Listening to the same 6 songs I am hooked on for two weeks straight (Tukan - Wonder of life, Together We Will Live Forever - The Fountain Soundtrack, Haruki Murakami - The Slants, Love Within My Sins - The Slants, You Rock My World - Michael Jackson, The Bravest Thing - Bare Naked Ladies)

(86 V) ~~> (100 V)

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