Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Boored on a Plane with only my thoughts to keep me company.
So I am on a plane, and won't have enough battery left to last the rest of the flight... I have the plane adapter, but it doesn't seem like there is any point to having it.... *sigh*
I have so many things I need to express, but I do not feel good and so those things I need to get out are not good things. I don't want to be kept in this cycle of negativity. Normally I am quite a positive person, but lately my life is so different than it ever has been before and I am having a hard time dealing with it.
I sort of feel like I did in high school when I was single and crushing really hard over David Maye for a long while. Except I don't have any crushes at the moment. None that are realistic anyway. I have this never ending want to hold someone and be held. Unlike in high school, I do realize that realistic expectations are in order. I just feel so god damned alone. I know I'm not though. I have Jamie, Oren, J.P., Pam, Dad, Mom, Jeromy, Bambi, Felecia.... I guess I, like any other human with a beating heart, wants someone to fill that "significant other" role, that someone who makes you want to wake up every day and stay up all night. I would love to have someone to come home to after work (or to be the stay at home "wife" and have dinner ready when they get home), someone to split the bills with, someone to cook dinner with, someone to cosplay with, someone to live in "the city" with, someone always open to go get coffee anytime, someone to share my and their existence, someone to inspire me to really "live", someone to inspire me to do my makeup every day, someone to inspire me to draw, someone I am so infatuated with that I like to doodle chibi's of us together, someone who will go to Phantom of the Opera with me, someone who makes me do the same lovey "sigh" that Wall-E does for EVE, someone who is almost moved to tears by the music they love(My personal favorites are "Death is the Road to Awe" from The Fountain, "Lapis Prologue" by Gackt, "Last Song" Seventh Night version by Gackt, "For The Princess" from Sailor Moon, "Komm Susser Tod" from Evangelion, ), someone I can cry in front of.
Wow that really turned into a run on sentence. I guess I should mention some good things as well. In all reality I really really have a great life and a lot to be thankful for. Being single is my only downer. I have a supportive family(who care for me no matter how horrible I am at calling them back, or out of reflex snap at questions regarding my strange hobbies in assumption that they are asking not to simply know, but to point out my strangeness). I have what seems to be a stable job for the moment, with decent hours. I'm saving for a trip to Japan in August.
(Video isn't so great, but the music is good)